How many times have you tried out a game, and before you could start playing, you’re forced upon a gaggle of people that use modern buzzwords like “playa”, “bitchez”, and words with stars (*) in them? Can you count the amount of brain cells you’ve lost in a puff of smoke watching these mind-numbing conversations take place? I’m no prude, obscenities (used tactfully), and even crude humor are fine with me, but I’d like to think I’m beyond puberty too.

Why do game developers implement chatrooms in their games? Is it because they feel it will foster a community of diehard gamers, making them want to play their game all the more? Perhaps they think intelligent conversation will actually take place. I can’t ever recall seeing such a thing. Not to say that the majority of gamers are dumb, infantile, and embarassing to the human race. I’m saying that chatrooms, like AOL, tend to attract the type of people that feel it is necessary to vent their frustration, flaunt their immaturity, and simply act stupid. This isn’t directed merely at teenagers, although they are largely at fault, but at even grown adults who have’t discovered the Maturity Tree yet.

A typical conversations looks like what you’d expect between a meet-up of gangsters and those who suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome, and look like this (skip this section if you’re easily offended, have a boss over your shoulder, or even worse, kids):

2pac: sup playaz?
ipwnjoo: fuck you fgt, stoopid n00b, you all suck
2pac: man this game is gay, let’s smoke up a bowl
insaneklown: i like drinking pee
ipwnjoo: me too, from your mom
insaneklown: stfu
ipwnjoo: no, you stfu noob, f**k you, i can pwn you at this game
2pac: aight, i’m outtie, peace out b*tchez
2pac left the room.
xXxSmokeNhoEsXxX has entered the room.
xXxSmokenHoEsXxX: yo yo, what you do

Nevermind the fact that you won’t see a computer in the ghetto, with a hardcore gangster hunched over a keyboard, representin’ in a chatroom. Or the fact that people with Tourette’s Syndrome yell out obsceneties, but don’t feel as compelled to type them. Yet, the vast majority of gaming chatroom are filled with these type of stereotypes. This is, in no small part, fostered by the game developer who are inherently clueless as to what goes on in their chatrooms. 99% of the time, there is no moderation being done, meaning these people, day in and day out, keep on doing what they do.

What’s wrong with having fun conversations about the game in which the chatroom resides, without insulting, ridiculing, and showing the world how ignorant you are? Even off-topic conversations about other games would be a welcome break from the gangsta/Tourette’s variety. Yes, this is a broad generalization of chatroom activity, but 9 times out of 10, I guarantee you it’ll be like this.

My message to game developers is that if I wanted a flashback, of AOL chatrooms in the mid-90’s, I’d hop back on AOL again. Make chatrooms an optional feature, hidden away under a button, a different screen that you have to voluntarily visit to participate. Don’t force the vast majority of us to lose our faith in humanity by subjecting us to drivel that, in most cases, has nothing to do with your game, and even cast a negative light on your game.

Further yet, don’t implement chatrooms if you don’t have the resources to moderate them at all times. The last thing I need to see before I enjoy your game is someone telling everyone how much he likes to eat poop for breakfast in graphic detail.

A whole other ball of wax is voice chat in games. I’ll likely cover this in another article, but for now, I’ll leave it at this: In a game my team was losing, I had a 13-year old boy (he bragged about it) scream in a tinny high-pitch voice about how he owns us, and he said it in such a colorful way that I wondered if his mom even buys soap. Yes, he was on our team.